


cold hands, cold heart

by yestojaejohn



Series: Cold Hands, Warm Heart [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, but more so jaehyun pushing him, jaehyun taeil pushing johnny, sorry :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:03:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19787665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yestojaejohn/pseuds/yestojaejohn
Summary: a second part to cold hands, warm heart





	cold hands, cold heart

**Author's Note:**

> a second part to cold hands, warm heart

kun thinks he’s an idiot. he thinks how cliche and dumb his life feels at this point. he’s sitting outside taeil’s house in the backyard. kun wouldn’t cry, he can’t, he can’t expect johnny to just confess to him in a dusty closet. he curses when he felt a tear fall down his cheek, he rubs it away with a frustrated sound.

_fuck jaehyun, fuck taeil, fuck doyoung. fuck them._ he thought.

kun really likes johnny. and johnny really likes kun. jaehyun had known of johnny’s crush, automatically inviting them to a party taeil was holding for new years. the boys went there together, kun driving. johnny had complimented his friends sweater, setting his hand on a sleeve, the warmth of his hand spread goosebumps up kun’s arm. johnny said that red really looked good on him, teasing him by saying how good the red on his cheeks looked too.

kun only mumbled a thank you, wishing he could have had the guts to tell johnny how charming he looked in his stupid, out of date christmas sweater.

they were only there for barely an hour when they were dragged to circle of friends to play some seven minutes in heaven.

“you have got to be kidding me,” kun snarled, “we’re not stupid teens.” he glared at jaehyun who had a smug ass smile on his face.

“we’re not teens but we are stupid!” he said. when they had called kun and johnny to go in the closet, they both looked at each other. kun looking like he was about to rip someone’s throat out and johnny who was a deer in headlights.

“jae-“ he started but they were grabbed and pushed to the open door. “jaehyun!” johnny yelled when the door shut and a click indicated the door was now locked. the older placed his forehead against the frame of the door. it was silent besides the music and cheering from others in the room outside.

they had spent a good two minutes not looking at each other; kun was pushing the racks of coats and kicking shoes to have more space for himself. he hated this, he hated how fast his heart was beating. hated how even the silhouette of his roommate made the flutter in his stomach give him a queasy and dizzy feeling. 

“sorry, kun.” johnny’s voice was really quiet, he noticed it was a little shaky, “jaehyun is...” he stands up straight, kun holds in a breath when he turns around.

fuck him for looking so fucking cute and almost making kun topple over the dumb ass shoes covering the floor. 

“an idiot,” kun says after gathering his thoughts and leaning back into the wall of the closet.

johnny chuckled, an awkward one, an uncomfortable one, he couldn’t look at kun. “yeah, yeah he is. i’m really sorry, kun.”

“why be sorry? it’s not your fault.”

he was speechless, johnny feels as though it is partially his fault. if only he hadn’t caved and told jaehyun about his dumb crush.

“seriously, it’s okay, johnny. i’m not mad at you, i just-“ he sighed, looking up at johnny who had gotten a step closer, “i don’t like being in tight spaces, especially closets.” 

“being in the closet is the worst,” johnny joked, the meaning of it was understood and kun could only give him a pity laugh.

“you’re lucky you’re a great guy or else i wouldn’t have laughed at that.” johnny’s eyes turned to crescents and his cheeks went full, kun couldn’t see but the taller felt a warmth across his face.

“thanks for always giving me the pity laughs.” he stepped closer. kun wasn’t too sure why he had. but the back of his mind said otherwise. he knew what was happening. his chest tightened, his eyes glanced up and johnny was looking straight at him. his lips were parted slightly and kun could feel his breath at this point. there was a pause, the air was thick, the tension made kun sweat and his chest was heaving. kun tried to have small talk, he felt too hot, he complained about the smell warning some chuckles from the other stuck in there with me. he hasn’t known how long he was distracting himself from the boy getting closer and closer. it went quiet again when kun had ran out of things to talk about and he was keeping eye contact with johnny, but the warm honey eyes darted to his kun bow lips. a little closer. a heartbeat.

but it stopped. johnny closed his mouth, eyes darting to the floor and sticking there as he tilted to the side and leaned back away from kun against the wall.

the door was swung open. taeil stood there along with doyoung and jaehyun. the two oldest scoffed and groaned in disappointment.

“johnny! you were supposed to make your move!”

kun looked at johnny, who quickly looked away from the shorter when their eyes met for half a second. johnny folded his arms, using a hand to cover his mouth as he mumbled, “there’s no move to be made, guys.”

something in kun snapped. his eyes stung and he knew he had to be alone. he shoved the guys in the doorway, calls for his name were heard but heavily ignored. kun forgot where the front door was, he weaved between people, getting stares from others that johnny knew, knowing smiles all across their faces. all eyes were on him, his eyes stung more, the room was too cramped, his lungs felt tight, he had to get out, he had to.

he finds himself in the backyard, shutting the sliding glass door behind him and tucking himself into a corner where none of the street lights could reach.

he ended up crying, shoving his head into his inner elbow, quiet sobs could barely be heard. 

embarrassment. utter embarrassment. of course johnny wouldn’t make a move, there was no move to be made. he was dumb to think that johnny would have kissed him there. it would have been weird to, and by now kun’s thinking johnny didn’t like him at all.

all the little lingering touches didn’t mean anything. none of their quiet eye contact across rooms meant anything. them taking care of one another when they were hungover didn’t mean anything. none of johnny’s sweet little sticky notes of encouragement on kun’s coffee mug meant anything.

they’re just roommates. kun shouldn’t expect anything more than that.

“kun!” his damn voice. it’s urgent, but soft, warm, it makes kun almost, almost stands up and runs back to him. but he’s too stubborn. he stays put. no words coming from him. “kun, please answer me.” he hears the soft steps of his shoes, the frosty grass crunching under his feet, the sound getting further away till it stops. “kun, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean- what i meant to say- what i was doing in- agh!” he heard the steps turn around, getting louder towards him.

johnny feels like such an asshole. he is one, he and kun knows he is. he got a proper scolding the moment kun had stomped away. johnny got into a small argument with his friends, that he could tell kun any time he wanted but he just wasn’t ready.

but he almost kissed kun. and he stopped. he was scared, so scared that he had basically said their relationship didn’t even mean anything.

“kun,” johnny sounds like he’s going to sob. he looks up at the sky to see light snow falling, a big cheer is heard in the house and he turns his head to the glass door. everyone is huddled by the tv, the countdown was starting to begin.

johnny immediately rounds the corner that he hasn’t checked, “kun- **kun**!” he says seeing the man slowly standing up. he stops in his tracks, the smile of relief on his face vanishes when he sees the tear stained face.

the countdown is beginning.

the clock is ticking, johnny is making long strides to his roommate.

“kun-“

“johnny-“ they stop as they speak at the same time, a chuckle from johnny, a sniff from kun. his nose is red, maybe from the cold or the fact he was just crying his heart out. johnny steps closer, kun is in shock, confusion spreading across his face.

“johnny, what are you-“

the elder grabs his face, his thumbs wiping away the drying lines of salty tears, he almost says sorry, he needs to say sorry, but the clock is at three and johnny has no time.

his warm lips, contrast to his cold hands, are planted on kun’s cold ones. he stiffens his whole body while johnny feels relaxed as he finally does what he’s been wanting to do for so long. his eyes flutter shut but kun is staring at the mans fringe, johnny moves his lips to suck in another breath, kissing kun harder.

the butterflies in his stomach quickly replace with anger and kun is shoving johnny away.

“no! fuck you, you can’t do that!” he points at him dead in the face. he can’t even look at johnny, he pushes his shoulder away and storms off.

“kun, bu-“

“go to hell, suh! get someone else to drive you home cause i certainly am not.”

the glass door slams shut and johnny is left there, his hands and heart colder than ever.


End file.
